Today, I was approached by a person. Who was puzzled by loyalty towards her spouse.
Apparently, she shared some intimate conversation with another person and her spouse found out. Her Spouse apparently, understood the situation and accepted this.
But she failed to get past the guilt and remorse. So much that she could not face anyone for 3-4 days.
Finally today, after talking to her for a while, I explained her a fundamental difference between Loyalty and Desire.
Here is an extract of what I told her
As a person, if you did not have a feeling where you wanted to leave your spouse or you have developed a feeling of disowning and disliking your spouse, the part of bounding is still intact. In such case, be clear in your mind that you want to grow old with your spouse and love her.
The other part is of Desire. Desire is part of Human nature. If you had an sexual desire and you watched adult content and helped yourself get past the desire, this is acceptable form. If we change it a bit to get a live person in between (say talking intimate things to him), suddenly we see ourself in a region of social taboo.
And believe me the guilt comes due to the confusion between your loyalty and dealing with a naughty desire. More over the social taboo, devastates us.
Please understand one thing, I am not supporting you blindly running and fulfilling each and every desire you have (mostly I am talking about the ones not accepted by society or family), you have to gauge the cost Vs the benefit
In the above case, the female I talked to had quite a guilt accommodated in her and it took a while to show her this difference. She was indeed loyal to her spouse, liked him and wanted to live rest of the life with him. The problem being she also had a desire, which kindda doesn't fit in her situation.
Basically, we all have desires and hence we all have secrets. The problem with few us is mistaken identity and lot of guilt.
After a life explaining that, her loyalty is intact and this trouble is caused by desires alone, I was able to give her the message - "Fulfill your desire knowing the cost." Which is this case was nothing really.
In a cosmopolitan environment acknowledging your sexuality and talking about it is well accepted. She just wanted to talk about sex and her desires around it to another person (other than her husband). Ofcourse the cost is to know how your spouse takes if he finds it. And sometimes there are unexpected costs to be paid, but that is the topic for some other discussion.
Overall, to couples around the world, the secret to continuing and fruitful married life is to understand very well your liking and commitment to stay and grow with your spouse. Also, there are incidents in married life, there it is important to understand the human side of desires.
So folks who are married and who are likely to get married, do one right thing, "ACCEPT YOUR SPOUSE THE WAY HE/SHE IS" and accept the fact that "HE/SHE IS MERELY HUMAN".
My 50 cents on being happily married.