But certainly we can be in a mind frame in the After Math of Anger. Here is how I do it.
(you must be having your own unique ways which I respect, this listing is just to me capture my experience right when I am living it)
- We communicated things may be not in a so pleasant manner or healthy manner. But none the less the fact that there is a irritation is communicated
- Post Anger/After Math, you need to be true and acknowledge good things about the person you are angry at. This is very important to be with minimum bias or prejudice. Acknowledge there is a problem with other person after you acknowledge that the other person has good qualities as well. This is quite possible in Post Math of anger, no one expects this to be present when you are under influence of rage.
- Understand giving a way out for the irritation is good, that rage was the worst thing, now its over. Things are out in open that there is a problem. The only thing which can happen is there can be improvement
- Never dilute or give away discussing why there was a rage. People, become comfortable or force other people not to talk about the ugly situation at hand. Talking about it is infact very healthy, this is sharing. Two human beings can not come close unless there is a Sharing (of course parents will love their kids irrespective of anything, but this is more about becoming friends).
- Talk about your expectations. In the human world, there are rarely a relationship in which expectations are not present. If expectations are not clear, problems are imminent.
Understand this rage/wraith/anger was not the last you have seen. It will come over and over, but if you understand the above, you will see a change in its frequency and your ability to handle it especially the After Math.
These worlds are coming from me, especially after I had a big fight with my wife and my mother in law. I love my wife and I have a reasonable degree of respect for my Mother in law. But what has happened was bound of happen. I decided to stay away for couple of days.
one thing I will do absolutely, is keep my self aware of all the feeling and bodily changes I am seeing. Amazingly, observing these gives you a new insight in to human behavior and naiveness.
Enjoying an Anger AfterMath